Come to the Stable..

Its always important to visit someone you love on their birthday... and I spend much time with lil baby Jesus, so if you are not accustomed to visiting Him in the stable... feel free to join me today :)

Walking the path from the inn to the stable where baby Jesus is I can't help but feel the rejection Mary and Joseph must have felt.  They had traveled a long and difficult path just to be turned down at every possibility of shelter.. and then offered something that met only their bare necessities.  A gust of wind carries the smell of barn yard animals and I step closer to the stable. There is a subtle glow as the door comes into sight ... and as I walk through all of the smells that we noticed on the walk dissipate as my eyes fall upon the Holy Family.  I silently drop to my knees and gaze upon them.  At this moment in time they are the only ones in the whole world that know that our Savior is among us.  How blessed are they?  As I think of the thoughts I had walking, about their rejection... I can see that they are showing no suffering, but only the joy of a sweet baby and the awe of being in the presence of the Savior.  In embracing their path, and whatever was to be for them, they were blessed to be the very first people to welcome our Lord... the only ones there at that moment.  Mary is cradling baby Jesus in her arms and Joseph is standing behind her and they are both so intently focused on baby Jesus that they do not even notice my arrival at first.  Their complete love and adoration of Him is so apparent to us as we look upon them.  Then Mary looks up at me.  Her sweet eyes with such faith and trust, yet complete surrender look up, and she holds baby Jesus up to hold.  I walk over and sit right beside her, because no new mother likes to be far from her baby.  She hands Him to me and His angelic little eyes look at me and his newborn baby legs curl up.  I cradle Him in my arms and say "Happy Birthday .. " :)  It is so obvious... He knows me.   A baby relaxes in the arms of a person they know and love and Jesus knows me and relaxes in my arms. It's so amazing to me how much our God loves and trusts us.  At this moment He who created all of us, is totally dependent upon us, and chose it to be this way.   I lay him in my lap and let him grab my finger with one hand as Mary does the same with the other. She is so in love with her baby boy.  His little eyes are not focusing well yet, but His little fingers grasp so tight.   He yawns and I lift Him up to my shoulder and as He drifts off to sleep I whisper in His ear "Thank you.."  I look at Mary and I can tell she already misses Him.. so I hand her back to His Mama.  She blesses me.. and as I look in her eyes I know that she is watching over my own little one until I can be with them.

Merry Christmas and God Bless all of you!

And the countdown continues...

The Walkers are starting out December at number:

We are inching closer and closer to the top.  The past couple months have been on the slow side with referrals, which is not easy for a mama anxious to see her lil one for the first time!!  It does sound like things should start to turn around soon, which is encouraging!  We are number 7 but at least half of the people ahead of us on the list probably wont conflict with us.  There are some scenarios where we would be the next referral, and other scenarios you could play out where 4 come in and we are still waiting!  A lot really depends on what referrals come in and in what order.   But I am hopeful that we will be off the list by the end of the January.... but perhaps with some extra prayers we might be lucky enough to have a Christmas present?  Please pray that paperwork collecting goes quickly (the kids are already in the orphanages waiting!!) and referrals can be made at a faster pace so families can have their little ones in their arms soon!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

This weekend ushered in the beginning of my favorite time of year :)  It starts will the fall and the beautiful leaves and the cooler weather... and then Thanksgiving, and the whole Advent season and my most favorite of all: Christmas!!  I love me my baby Jesus!!  Thanksgiving was a blessing, as always.  We are so blessed to not only have most of our immediate family within driving distance, but we also share the uncommon blessing that all sides get along so well that we can host Thanksgiving for both sides together and everyone can celebrate together. There are jokes as to how we all fit together (out laws, in laws, LOL.... all family really).  It was great to have everyone together.  The kids got to go to the parade with Brian's dad and brothers while we prepared the house and food.  The food was YUM...I will always be thankful to the guy in the grocery store a few years back that yelled at me for looking at buying a Butterball LOL  He was like "A Turkey is a Turkey.... go buy some butter and put it in there yourself and save $30!!" and By gosh he was so right!!!  The butter has got nothing on the arrangement Brian can put together though!!  He's quite the artist when it comes to a turkey!!

As Thanksgiving came to a close, the weekend was just beginning :)  I have (after like 3 years of dragging) seemed to reached the understanding with my sister that she will go shopping with me LOL  I'm not a total loon with this stuff, its more out of logistical necessity at this point.  I have 4 kids and a husband in the seminary... there are not many shopping days that I have that I know there will be sales and I wont have to find sitters for the kids.  So we joined the crazy kooks for a while on Thursday AND Friday... but it really wasn't bad :)  No camping out and all friendly conversations with fellow shoppers.   Amongst my shopping I collected myself 7 Christmas trees to pretty up my outdoor nativity... and prompty began lining my kitchen with them when I returned home (I'm a bit of a Christmas crazy!!)LOL It was quite the scene...and I discovered my lil Dominic is quite the hardworking Christmas Elf as he helped me open all the boxes and set them all up!  

Dominic helping me create Christmas city in our Kitchen!!

What? Doesn't everyone's Kitchen look like this???? :)

Phase one complete!  I plan on figuring something out to make this scene "Hello its Christmas" amazing for Jesus's Birthday!! But still trying to dream up how that will be.... hopefully I'll have some creative partner in crime that is good at this stuff help me.  Note: Baby Jesus isn't lost.. He hasn't been born yet! He'll be there on Christmas Day :)

And then we moved indoors....  The decorating has begun... I still have a number of things to get to their places tomorrow, but a lot of things have reached their destinations... and our tree is up.  I lost count of how many nativities and holy families I have LOL But I love them!!!  The hustle and bustle of four kids decorating the tree and opening all the bins amongst Christmas music was quite the scene.  I can almost picture our fifth lil Christmas crazy there as I step back and watched them.  Next year will be another one of those fun "first Christmas" ... so many firsts as a family together and the craziness of yet another little so excited to put up all the decorations!!   

Melanie trying to reason with Jasmine that SHE should be the one to put the star on the tree.

Verdict: They shall do it together! 

A VERY concentrated section of "Melanie" ornaments reside in one section of the lower branches.

Isabel and Dominic prettying up the tree :)

So pretty!! LOVE Christmas!

And of course, the biggest stocking is set aside for the birthday boy :)  The kids will be filling it with "presents" for Him all the way up to His birthday.  Each time they do something for Jesus, ie help another, show love, prayers etc., they will draw a picture of it or write it on a paper and put it in His stocking.  We hope to have this thing TOTALLY filled by His Birthday :)  

Yes, this blog was long.... I am a Christmas girl :)   Perhaps we need to go visit Baby Jesus together soon..... but we'll save that for next time!! God Bless!  And Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!

The Grace of the Wait...

Different title, similar theme...eh? I've been going to the chapel for adoration on Monday nights, without fail, for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I do a lot of the talking, sometimes He does a lot of the talking, sometimes I just sit with Him, sometimes I read His word with Him.... but it is always a blessing and always a grace filled experience. And last night He opened my eyes to the grace of the wait, in more ways than one. I have a friend who has become such a dear sister in Christ and sister in the wait that is in Ethiopia right now. I am so incredibly excited for her to be meeting her baby for the first time, and praying for them as they go to court today to finalize the adoption :) In talking with our contact in Ethiopia, it seems that a big pick up in referrals isn't expected till the beginning of the year. This is kind of the feeling I've been getting from our agency as well. We are close enough to the top of the list that we might be one of the lucky few to get one, but its just impossible to tell for sure. So much depends on the order that the children who are ready come in. There are some ways you could work the list that we are the next referral, and then there are some ways you could work the list where 5 referrals come in and we still not have one... so it's really in Gods hands (but for those of you wondering we are still #8... though it sounds like close to moving to #7). While this news isn't the best to hear, as far as our wait goes, in a certain way it relieves that “waiting for the phone to ring” anticipation. And I keep trying to remind myself to not get ahead of God in this thing... cause that is where the grace is. If I go running ahead to places we are not even there yet, all there is is a bunch of “what ifs” and “how longs” and more questions than answers. But in today, there is peace :) So, as I was sitting in adoration last night I was praying for our child, and I really reflected on the root of my urgency of having this child home. Where was it coming from, what was making me most impatient. And while a part of me does want it for “me” reasons... I want to see my lil' ones' face, I want to hold them, I want them to be sleeping in their crib and playing with their brother and sisters... I can't wait for all those things, but in another way I can if that is what God wills. The thing that makes me “get to Ethiopia today” urgent is the thought that my child is out there. They have already lost one family, and are in an orphanage somewhere. They don't have a family and do not even know yet that they will have one. While it brings me peace to hear of how the nannies love the children and I am absolutely sure that God is wrapping His arms around my lil' one through the love of those nannies, my child still doesn't have a mommy or a daddy or even being told that they are coming yet. And then it weighs on my heart, that most likely a birth mother brought them to the orphanage, my “other half to this equation”, the person who started this journey that I have been called to complete... and I can only imagine what it would be like to have to make that choice out of necessity. To bring my child to an orphanage in hopes that they will have a life, and I believe until she knows that is happening a part of her will be missing peace as well... So its all these things that make this yearning, this urgency this impatience get to a place where I need to start giving myself pep talks!! And then as I was praying for my child (and I always see the same face, very curious to see if that will be the face I see in pictures someday soon) I started seeing groups and groups of children, and realized that in the wait not only am I being blessed with the same yearning every pregnant mom has, but I am being graced to be allowed to feel some of the weight that is on the heart of our Lord. That yearning and that urgency for my child to be in the arms of a family is His desire for all of His children. I know we often, myself included, pray that God give us His eyes, and His heart so that we can see the world the way He does and love the way He does...  In that prayer, there is a certain abandon to His will that we need to commit to, otherwise we miss the journey... we miss the opportunities He's giving us to see the world as He does.  If I focus on referral day, then I am missing this moment I am having right now, in learning how He sees because I am getting to live a little snippet of it myself.  I'm not quite sure where He will take me with all these things I learn along this path... but if I've learned anything over time, its that God doesn't so much draw your path with a pencil as much as a huge spray paint can LOL It so often stretches wider than you thought, spatters and touches things that you didn't anticipate, and there is always more remnants left that just the final destination. So, while I want to see my child's face, and cannot wait for that day, I'm eager to walk with Him to make sure I absorb every step of this journey as He intended... I'm quite certain each day of this journey is preparing me for the tapestry of things He is already starting to weave that I am unaware of right now. And while my child will be placed in my arms one day (and really a day not that far away), and one journey will have reached its destination, many others will have already begun along the way.... cause that's how He works :) Love it!!!

And because this man hits on the urgency of God in this even better than me, I shall share this video that can never be watched enough... and even if you've seen it before I suggest you watch it again

Depraved Indifference

Ahhhh the waiting!!!

Ahhhh I have reached a point of adoption insanity, and I need to preach at myself, so I might as well let you all in on my preaching lol Anything you might find inspirational, don't think that it has ANYTHING to do with me being an inspiration.... its what I need to hear, so therefore I'm the exact opposite LOL A lot really has happened in the last few weeks, timeline wise. It'll probably make my october update in a week and a half less exciting, but we are unofficially number 8. Three people have gone off the list, and I found out that one family is on hold till February.... that was so exciting! And there are some scenarios where as few as two children would get me a referral.. but then you can play out other scenarios on the wait list and it will be a bit longer wait.. The wait has become difficult, the yearning is worse than a pregnant mom past her due date (but a very similar feeling minus the extreme discomfort!). It's hard to explain to someone that has not been through it... but I can feel a connection to this child, and I haven't seen them yet. I can FEEL that they are out there. There was a long time that I knew God was going to bring us to a child, wasn't quite sure which child, and wasn't quite sure when.... that has moved to a placed where I can FEEL that that child is already enroute to us. So I seek information.... WAY more than I probably should LOL Anything that can give me an idea of how much longer till I see their face, and usually very little is given. Things are unpredictable. Some weeks the agency gets news of several children, some weeks none... and its not easy to predict how fast any child will be paper ready. And I can sense that I need to stay in the present. I need to live in the now and walk at the pace God is going. The answers WILL NOT be there until He wills them to be there. I cannot find a route myself, and cannot make a path that is not there... I HAVE to walk with Him. I have to WAIT on Him and I have to have faith in that timing. And in reality I don't want anything but that timing, and the informational brick walls are probably reminders to me that I did not get here by any of my own doing, and I will not get anywhere by my own doing... so why seek information? Will it shorten my wait? Will it give me ANY more control? No, if anything it will take away from me “walking in faith”... and “waiting on Him” Each time I feel that tug, I must offer it up in prayer for my child, in hopes that our wait is almost over, and we can move toward seeing them for the first time. Please pray for us!!! Pray for our child. Pray for referrals to come quickly! Pray for grace during the wait. Please don't pray for patience!!! Patience=more waiting LOL In all reality, even though every day seems like a year, it probably wont be that much longer till we have exciting news to share!!! God Bless you all and thank you so much for sharing every little step of this journey with us!!

September Update

We received our update, and I know you are all waiting with us so I wanted to share what we know.  As of now the Walkers are:



Not much movement in the last month or so, as its been pretty slow with referrals :/  However, the information in our update that I was most interested in is what the coming month or two will look like.  The courts in Ethiopia have been closed for the past month and a half because of the rainy season.  In addition to that our agency's orphanage was pretty much full, and all of those children have travelled home to be with their families in August and September.  Now, as we are greeted with October, the courts have reopened, the orphanage has plenty of room.... so our agency is very optimistic that the referrals will pick up as well.  They have something in the range of 25-30 children they are expecting in the next couple months.... so I am really hoping we'll have some exciting news to share before the holidays!!  And while I'd prefer to be higher on the list, as far as numbers go, 12 has always been one of my favorites :)  So hopefully it treats us well this month and we see a big jump in referrals :)  It really is so crazy to think that in the course of the next six months (give or take) we will be matched with our child, travel to Ethiopia twice and have them home in our family! Six months and we don't even know who they are yet!  It's crazy, to think that we'll be planning our first trip to Ethiopia, in realistically, a few months and we still don't have a clue when that trip will be!  I think we've planned weekend trips further in advance!  Talk about a huge roller coaster of faith!! Holding on for the crazy ride!  Keep us in your prayers!!! Waiting for anything is hard, waiting for a child has to be one of the hardest!!!

Wow....

Wow..  What a "bigger picture" moment today!I was pooling over the update from our agency from last month.  Of course initially looking at the wait list and trying to figure out how many more referrals need to come in before we will be receiving ours. Thinking of that first picture and eagerly awaiting it.  Then I read further into the update, and it was saying how if your child is a birth parent relinquishment (vs. an abandonment) the agency suggests that you make a photo book for them.  We will get the opportunity to meet this family if there is known birth family...  which I am SO hoping and praying for that opportunity for so many reasons.  Not only to have that connection and be able to share that with my child, but also in hopes of giving that family some sense of peace, some sense of truly "knowing" not just trusting that the child they loved is going to a family that will love them and be a good family to them. So, the agency suggests making a photo book of the family, the house, the child's room... anything that can give them a glimpse into what their child's life will be like.  But then this is what really stopped me.... the agency also mentioned that in this photo book we should remember to include pictures of our baby (THEIR baby!), and any pictures we might have (referral pics, pics from other families etc.) because MOST of these families do not have ANY pictures of their child and will cherish them. Not even one! Ugh. how incredibly humbling and sad.  Me... the one who is being given the greatest blessing by them.  Me, who is so impatiently waiting for my FIRST picture, should remember to give THEM 'a" picture? How crazy is that? And its easy to maybe think of it from America perspective... oh maybe this family had the baby and a few days later they were placed in an orphanage an the opportunity was just not there.  That alone would be sad enough,  but that is usually NOT the case. Children are honored in the Ethiopian culture.  Most of the time the mothers keep their children as long as they possibly can.  In fact that is why most of the children come to the orphanage with at least some malnourishment.  They kept them as long as they possibly could and when the choice was life or death, they chose life for their child. And they have no picture... not because there was no opportunity, because there was no camera!  Ugh... how incredibly spoiled are we?  How INCREDIBLY spoiled? Its moments like this that I just feel like things like this need to be always kept in front of me so that I can attempt to step away from a selfish mindset and truly appreciate the things I have, AND recognize the things are are truly "needs"... and realize that many of the things that seem to be needs are usually "nice to haves" or "conveniences".  When I look if I can help out a brother or sister in Christ, am I looking at my "Excess" or am I looking at whether I am meeting my needs and all the rest is "up for grabs"? Next time we feel like we are lacking perhaps ask yourself "Do I have a picture of my son/daughter/husband/wife/loved one?" And realize how many people go without these simplest of treasures