Wow....

Wow..  What a "bigger picture" moment today!I was pooling over the update from our agency from last month.  Of course initially looking at the wait list and trying to figure out how many more referrals need to come in before we will be receiving ours. Thinking of that first picture and eagerly awaiting it.  Then I read further into the update, and it was saying how if your child is a birth parent relinquishment (vs. an abandonment) the agency suggests that you make a photo book for them.  We will get the opportunity to meet this family if there is known birth family...  which I am SO hoping and praying for that opportunity for so many reasons.  Not only to have that connection and be able to share that with my child, but also in hopes of giving that family some sense of peace, some sense of truly "knowing" not just trusting that the child they loved is going to a family that will love them and be a good family to them. So, the agency suggests making a photo book of the family, the house, the child's room... anything that can give them a glimpse into what their child's life will be like.  But then this is what really stopped me.... the agency also mentioned that in this photo book we should remember to include pictures of our baby (THEIR baby!), and any pictures we might have (referral pics, pics from other families etc.) because MOST of these families do not have ANY pictures of their child and will cherish them. Not even one! Ugh. how incredibly humbling and sad.  Me... the one who is being given the greatest blessing by them.  Me, who is so impatiently waiting for my FIRST picture, should remember to give THEM 'a" picture? How crazy is that? And its easy to maybe think of it from America perspective... oh maybe this family had the baby and a few days later they were placed in an orphanage an the opportunity was just not there.  That alone would be sad enough,  but that is usually NOT the case. Children are honored in the Ethiopian culture.  Most of the time the mothers keep their children as long as they possibly can.  In fact that is why most of the children come to the orphanage with at least some malnourishment.  They kept them as long as they possibly could and when the choice was life or death, they chose life for their child. And they have no picture... not because there was no opportunity, because there was no camera!  Ugh... how incredibly spoiled are we?  How INCREDIBLY spoiled? Its moments like this that I just feel like things like this need to be always kept in front of me so that I can attempt to step away from a selfish mindset and truly appreciate the things I have, AND recognize the things are are truly "needs"... and realize that many of the things that seem to be needs are usually "nice to haves" or "conveniences".  When I look if I can help out a brother or sister in Christ, am I looking at my "Excess" or am I looking at whether I am meeting my needs and all the rest is "up for grabs"? Next time we feel like we are lacking perhaps ask yourself "Do I have a picture of my son/daughter/husband/wife/loved one?" And realize how many people go without these simplest of treasures   

A little perspective...

So thankful and filled with JOY on this BEAUTIFUL, fall-ish (I say fall-ish because TECHNICALLY its still summer, but sure is behaving like fall!) morning.  And I realize, looking back over the past couple weeks that so much of reaching that "thankful and filled with joy" place, is perspective.  I'll tell you one way that a person walking in my shoes could easily describe the past few weeks of my life... and then I'll tell you my perspective.......  and I hope you will all see, what I saw upon reflecting on this simpliest of things...

School Started!  Soo simple right?  I now have about 6 hours a day with only one child at home and I can actually clean LOL Of course as you think, "oh my life is about to get easy!!!"  God laughs.  Brian's seminary started back up which means two nights a week he gets home between 9:30pm and 10:00pm.  His work decided that these "transition into school weeks" would be a FANTABULOUS time to explode with issues requring him to work whatever spare minute he had... including Labor Day weekend, early mornings (ie limited help getting the kids ready for school etc.).  Sandwich in the middle of that our first formation weekend for the diaconate, which means finding sitters, and spending most of a Saturday preparing for, and discerning this call to the diaconate with other coupes.  AND then we have the homework!  Kids that are not completely back in gear with school, coming home with homework they do not want to do and be lovely beautifuls about doing it.  Toss in the mix a couple dogs that have a real knack for NEEDING something right when 4 kids are being crazies, husband is on the phone with work or gone and Mom is just out of hands and feet to meet their needs... but they are the loudest and the squeaky wheel gets the grease.   This story could quite easily lead to a very frustrated, overwhelmed and miserable person...  A perspective of "why isn't my husband home right now?"  "why are these dogs insane?"  "its not that much homework why do they have to be so difficult?"  "REALLY a formation weekend in the middle of this maddness??"  SO easily it could be that.....  But let me tell you how I see it, and all of a sudden this crazy life is just plain BEAUTIFUL!

Firstly, I AM So incredibly blessed and thankful.  All of these things are things that can change with a moments notice.  Things can be calm one minute, chaotic the next.  We could be healthy today and sick tomorrow... much of those things are out of our control.  But we can root our joy in something constant, something that doesn't change.... and recognize how very blessed we are.  I am SO thankful that I have a husband that is wholly devoted to us and our family.  He has busy times and yet still jumps in the mix in the 10 minutes he has to lighten the load as much as possible.... or just walks through the door with flowers when even that time isn't there :)  It fills me with so much JOY that when he walks through the door at whatever crazy hour, we are both not even worrying about sleep, but brewing a pot of tea and spending time together. It could so easily get overwhleming... but many of these things are temporary and I realize that.  Work will not always have issues. And I am thankful he has an opportunity to shine in his job!  And WOW!! He HAS a job! Gosh... there are so many people that would do anything just to have a job and I am tempted to complain about a busy week or two?  God is providing for our family, which sometimes means I have a little more to do.  Is it gonna kill me??? Prolly not!! Haha  The kids might have some crazy days... but I am so THANKFUL.  I HAVE kids.  GREAT kids.  I have healthy kids!  I have kids, that most of the time genuinely try to be supportive and loving to each other.  How is it that we don't look at the "most of the time" but find it so easy to focus on that tough "moment?"  I try to look at the reality.  This child doesn't want to do their homework.  It's 6 oclock.   In reality, though this moment can be a headache.... by 8:30 they will be in bed, homework will be done, and the world WILL continue spinning.  And that formation weekend??? All I had to say was "YAY FORMATION WEEKEND!!!"   We can either live life so we don't need a vacation, taking the little breaks God offers us and bask in them... or we can seek what we deem to be a break and wait for that, being miserable until it comes.  I choose to take God's breaks!  They come exactly when you need them.  So instead of seeing this as yet another day in a busy schedule that needed to be done.... we celebrated!  We had an evening and day kid-free!  We were able to enjoy almost an hour drive together and have conversation without interruptions.  We got to spend the day with other couples also discerning this call... and talking many things God, which we LOVE.  We got to be in the presence of adults for a good chunk of the day and enjoy the drive home!  We ate lunch together and dinner the night before!  PURELY BEAUTIFUL!!  God is SO good!!!   And the dogs?? Well sometimes all I can say about them is what BEAUTIFUL crosses they are! LOL!  I often joke that at the gates St. Peter will be going back and forth on whether to let me through or not and then he'll have a revelation "The DOGS!!!  Ah yes!!  Go ahead ... you earned it!!!" LOL!!!    But secondly, I know I can not be everything to everyone and I accept that.  We have to be flexible as life changes all the time.  And just because I could clean my house before the kids were in bed yesterday, does not mean that's what will happen today.  Just because I am normally the one that helps Melanie get dressed... doesn't mean that I always can if someone is having another issue.  BUT instead of focusing on the things I'm falling short on... I try to look past the end of my nose, and see what God has put in front of me to help with those things (and by gosh the things that truly need to get done, He does provide an alternative).  Isabel can help Melanie get dressed (and actually loves doing so!), Melanie can let the barking dog in, Jasmine can answer the phone (HAHAHAHA Sorry to whoever I did that to!)..... but you get the drift.   Does this mean there aren't moments that I put my hands on my head and look up to God and say "are you SURE its not time for a break yet??"  .... oh there are PLENTY of those!! And quite honestly this blog is helping me put my life into that very perspective I'm trying to practice every day!!!   But I will say one amazing thing... when you're stretched, you grow.  And when things pile up past what you could EVER possibly do... and then they get done anyway, we get to literally watch God working through us to do it.  Its the only explanation.  And THAT... I love!!!

P.S.  I know you are all curious about how our wait is going... ME TOO!! LOL  We'll get an update in a couple weeks, provided we dont have a referral at that point.  I'm pretty sure we'll be in this next batch of referrals as the orphanage is now pretty empty and they're filling it up with new kids again :) So YAY!!  Trying to walk the path and not focus TOO much on "WHEN WILL I SEE MY BABY!!!"  But it sure is nice to have a sister who's also adopting that we can call each other and basically say "Come over and wait with me!!" And we can talk adoption and watch videos and just get our silly selves all excited for that referral day that is coming SO SOON!!   

P.P.S.  I LOVE FALL.  I am already looking forward to apple orchards with the kids pumpkin patches, ..... loving this hoodie weather.  OH JOY!!!!!!! HAPPY DANCE!

Is it September already???? UPDATE :)

Oh MY! How easy is it for a couple weeks to pass without me writing on this blog! I hope once we get back into the “normal” crazy of a more structured schedule with school starting I will be able to be more diligent with it, as I do enjoy sharing our crazy lil life with you guys! So, what's new in the Walker house? Well, as school inches closer and closer the kids are gradually getting to the point where they are climbing the walls (literally in some cases!). No amount of planned activities, or entertainment seem to suffice.... they are ready. School bags are already packed and school clothes picked out, new haircuts and school lists are out. So excited for them to start a new year, and I pray its a good year for all of them! Pictures will be up Wednesday of the first day of school :) And this will be Mama's first time home with only ONE child for 6 hours a day, in over 7 years! Until our new little love arrives, of course :) And that new little!! Ahhhh, patience, the virtue I soooo need to work on, and as a result God ALWAYS PROVIDES! LOL! Goodness, if I didn't laugh at myself I'd have gone crazy by now (of course it is debatable in many minds as to whether that happened years ago). We did receive an update late last week. Unfortunately, not much of an update as far as waiting list movement goes. We are STILL holding fast at #13! Please pray for some movement this month. August was an active month with travel and bringing babies home (YAY! Praise GOD, forever families being formed!) which is freeing up lots of space in our agencies orphanage, and Our agency has 5 referrals almost ready to make and another 8-10 in the wings, so once all these come to fruition, we likely will know who our little one is... have a picture and all sorts of information on him/her. Of course, God always makes sure to shine through in every moment though. As we were greeted with a somewhat disappointing update this month, the very next day I moved enough to our adoption savings to just pay for the bill we have at referral. This is quite a moment, as the bill at referral is the single biggest payment we will have to make at one time. And even more worth noting.... 2/3 of it was literally provided by works of God himself. We have scrimped and saved. We have cut many, many expenditures (some of which God decided to provide us anyway, as He is always so faithful and good!!!), and did everything within our power to put all that we have in His hands. However, all we had... when looking at this bill was very easily compared to the 5 loaves and 2 fish, to feed 5000! And, just as in that miracle, when you put everything you have in the hands of our Lord, no matter how seemingly little it seems... .it is enough!! I really hate to focus on money at all... As I have learned over the years that when you are doing His will, He always provides... however I know many people need to hear stories like this to build their own faith... and so I share. We are not talking hundreds of dollars here... but thousands, provided.... We did not ask, and in fact when we looked it wasn't there LOL it was through realizing that we don't have the answers and trust Him to provide for us in this walk that He called us on. And I will say one more thing. Many times, even when we are doing God's work, it is so tempting to pull whatever money we are saving for this work close to us and cling to it... in fear that we will never have enough if we give any of it away. I am reflecting on two separate times in the past few months, when I could feel God calling me to donate (one time to a missionary priest from Africa raising money to build a church in his country, and one time to some deserving teens) and literally the only extra money I had was the money folded up in my wallet, waiting to be deposited for the adoption. And both times, I chose to jump out of the boat and trust Christ to not allow me to sink, and I gave that money away. And both times it came back, one of the times in the very same day! It wasn't even out of my wallet for 6 hours, and I dropped off a statue I had painted for someone and they, knowingly and willingly overpaid me for it..... EXACTLY the amount I had donated. GOD IS SO GOOD!!! We still have quite a financial journey to go, as we have two trips to Ethiopia to figure out but I trust fully that God will provide, as long as we give Him our all... and we are doing everything we can to do that!! God Bless you guys and please pray for lots of referrals and grace for us as we wait (praying for patience is risky business please don't do that LOLLL!!)