Different title, similar theme...eh?
I've been going to the chapel for adoration on Monday nights, without
fail, for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I do a lot of the
talking, sometimes He does a lot of the talking, sometimes I just sit
with Him, sometimes I read His word with Him.... but it is always a
blessing and always a grace filled experience. And last night He
opened my eyes to the grace of the wait, in more ways than one. I
have a friend who has become such a dear sister in Christ and sister
in the wait that is in Ethiopia right now. I am so incredibly
excited for her to be meeting her baby for the first time, and
praying for them as they go to court today to finalize the adoption
:) In talking with our contact in Ethiopia, it seems that a big pick
up in referrals isn't expected till the beginning of the year. This
is kind of the feeling I've been getting from our agency as well. We
are close enough to the top of the list that we might be one of the
lucky few to get one, but its just impossible to tell for sure. So
much depends on the order that the children who are ready come in.
There are some ways you could work the list that we are the next
referral, and then there are some ways you could work the list where
5 referrals come in and we still not have one... so it's really in
Gods hands (but for those of you wondering we are still #8... though
it sounds like close to moving to #7). While this news isn't the
best to hear, as far as our wait goes, in a certain way it relieves
that “waiting for the phone to ring” anticipation. And I keep
trying to remind myself to not get ahead of God in this thing...
cause that is where the grace is. If I go running ahead to places we
are not even there yet, all there is is a bunch of “what ifs” and
“how longs” and more questions than answers. But in today, there
is peace :) So, as I was sitting in adoration last night I was
praying for our child, and I really reflected on the root of my
urgency of having this child home. Where was it coming from, what
was making me most impatient. And while a part of me does want it
for “me” reasons... I want to see my lil' ones' face, I want to
hold them, I want them to be sleeping in their crib and playing with
their brother and sisters... I can't wait for all those things, but
in another way I can if that is what God wills. The thing that makes
me “get to Ethiopia today” urgent is the thought that my child is
out there. They have already lost one family, and are in an
orphanage somewhere. They don't have a family and do not even know
yet that they will have one. While it brings me peace to hear of how
the nannies love the children and I am absolutely sure that God is
wrapping His arms around my lil' one through the love of those
nannies, my child still doesn't have a mommy or a daddy or even being
told that they are coming yet. And then it weighs on my heart, that
most likely a birth mother brought them to the orphanage, my “other
half to this equation”, the person who started this journey that I
have been called to complete... and I can only imagine what it would
be like to have to make that choice out of necessity. To bring my
child to an orphanage in hopes that they will have a life, and I
believe until she knows that is happening a part of her will be
missing peace as well... So its all these things that make this
yearning, this urgency this impatience get to a place where I need to
start giving myself pep talks!! And then as I was praying for my
child (and I always see the same face, very curious to see if that
will be the face I see in pictures someday soon) I started seeing
groups and groups of children, and realized that in the wait not only
am I being blessed with the same yearning every pregnant mom has, but
I am being graced to be allowed to feel some of the weight that is on
the heart of our Lord. That yearning and that urgency for my child
to be in the arms of a family is His desire for all of His children. I know we often, myself included, pray that God give us His eyes, and His heart so that we can see the world the way He does and love the way He does... In that prayer, there is a certain abandon to His will that we need to commit to, otherwise we miss the journey... we miss the opportunities He's giving us to see the world as He does. If I focus on referral day, then I am missing this moment I am having right now, in learning how He sees because I am getting to live a little snippet of it myself. I'm not quite sure where He will take me with all these things I
learn along this path... but if I've learned anything over time, its
that God doesn't so much draw your path with a pencil as much as a
huge spray paint can LOL It so often stretches wider than you
thought, spatters and touches things that you didn't anticipate, and
there is always more remnants left that just the final destination.
So, while I want to see my child's face, and cannot wait for that
day, I'm eager to walk with Him to make sure I absorb every step of
this journey as He intended... I'm quite certain each day of this
journey is preparing me for the tapestry of things He is already
starting to weave that I am unaware of right now. And while my child
will be placed in my arms one day (and really a day not that far
away), and one journey will have reached its destination, many others
will have already begun along the way.... cause that's how He works
:) Love it!!!
And because this man hits on the urgency of God in this even better than me, I shall share this video that can never be watched enough... and even if you've seen it before I suggest you watch it again
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